I'm not one to consider many topics taboo. Yes, I do believe there is often an appropriate time and place to discuss certain subjects, but I am a big fan of transparency.
So while I won't USUALLY bring up this topic over dinner and drinks, I do think this is the right time and place to start a healthy conversation about what happens to a mother after delivering a baby.
You may ask, "What are her qualifications to discuss such a topic?" Valid question.
I am a mom of 4 lovely (most of the time) children. I had 3 vaginal births and 1 emergency c-section. Each one was unique and challenging in its own way, but I remember feeling pretty surprised about SOMETHING with each one of them.
I had gone to the childbirth classes. I had read books and talked to friends about their own experiences, but I still was not ready for what was to come over and over again.
I'm not sure WHY there are parts that no one talks about. A lot of parts actually, which is what I am calling The Dirty Little Secrets About Postpartum.
Let me give you an example from my own experience...
With my oldest, it was a family affair. He was the first grandson and everyone was excited!
I remember the first throught after pushing him out..."WOW, I could do that again". I don't know if that is normal or just an adrenaline high, but I was really proud of myself.
(I am not saying this to be boastful, but as a precursor the first out of many fast and dramatic shifts of being a new mom.)
Within minutes after delivery, my mom and dad, 3 sisters, and brother-in-law are there in the room with me...as I lay on the table, half naked with afterbirth flowing from my nether regions. They are JOYOUS! Singing (YES! My family was singing) and ooohhhhing and ahhhhing over my son.
As everyone's attention shifts to my newborn, I am feeling pretty alone and I start shaking.
Not like teeth chatter because I'm chilly, but full on VIOLENT tremors to the point that I really through I was having a seizure. I remember trying to tell people that I was dying, but no one was really focused on me. At one point, a nurse brought me a sheet and told me this was fine.
She didn't elaborate much, so wasn't sure if having a seizure was fine or if dying in front of my entire family while a doctor is sewing up my peritoneal tear is fine, but to say the least this whole experience caught me a little of guard.
After what seemed like hours, I stopped shaking. My family all left to get me food (which actually meant going to sit down and eat, then bring me something back) and it was just me, my husband, and my son.
It was shift change a the night nurse came into introduce herself. She asked about my experience with delivery and I told her about my epileptic fit, which I then learned was called Postpartum Shaking.
Apparently, between 25-50% of mother experience these shakes.
Didn't know that. Not at all.
She went on to tell me that one of the most effective ways to combat these, apparently common Postpartum Shakes is skin to skin bonding.
Hmmm...I pondered this. HOW IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND HOLY WAS I SUPPOSED TO HOLD MY SON WHILE HAVING MY OWN PERSONAL, INTERNAL 8.0 MAGNITUDE EARTHQUAKE???!?!
So HERE people. Here is why we need to talk about this stuff. There is stuff moms (and dads) just don't know.
I didn't know I was going to shake or even that shaking was normal. But it is. And the way to help moms through this is to hand them their newborn to put against their bare chest while shaking.
And we wonder why we have approximately 1600 reported newborn falls in hospitals each year. (PLEASE NOTE--REPORTED)
I'm not saying that nurse was wrong (I did research, she was right). But how can we help mom's do this safely?! We have seatbelts for cars passengers and we have helmets for bike riders. Clearly as humans we UNDERSTAND the concept of preventing injury, which is kind of how I started my mission.
In addition to being a mom of 4, I also invented a labor, delivery and postpartum gown with a patented bonding panel to help mom's safely to skin to skin bonding with their baby after delivery. It's call the Skin to Skin Gown. (Straight forward, I know) I wanted to find a safer way for new moms to bond with their baby. You can check them out or purchase at my website, www.skintoskingowns.com.
I am also in the process of getting certified as a postpartum doula, which has brought back a lot of my own memories of labor, delivery and postpartum.
So I wanted to share my experiences to make sure other new moms are aware of the other side of having a baby. Not the pink and blue, gender reveal, gobs of presents from sincerely loving family and friends WHICH IS WONDERFUL!!!
But there is another side...sometimes scary, sometimes painful, sometimes unexpected, and sometimes, really freaking lonely.
This other side is PART OF IT. It is going to happen.
Also, it is beautiful in its own way. It is the common experience that has connected women for literally all of humankind.
Plus, completely survivable with the right preparation and resources.
I hope my experiences can help you navigate your own.
Love, Lisa